


to tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites

by translorastyrell (nerddowell)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: (bit of a spoiler but oh well), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Conversations, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Romance, Slice of Life, Sobriety, Trans Character, Trans Loras Tyrell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 01:38:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18294230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerddowell/pseuds/translorastyrell
Summary: With my feet on the dashThe world doesn't matter‘Well, Loras, this is lovely, sitting here in sheep shit and with mild hypothermia, but I’m still curious aboutwhywe’re here.’‘Do you know how proud I am of you?’ Loras asks, his voice choked. ‘You’re doing so well. You’ve been sobersix months, Ren, that’s massive.'Title fromPassenger Seatby Death Cab for Cutie.





	to tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rensbarath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rensbarath/gifts).



‘Hey, babe,’ Loras says from the driver’s seat as Renly climbs in beside him, buckling his seat belt and dropping his keys and wallet onto the dashboard. Loras is collecting him from his weekly AA meeting, leaning over the gap between the seats to kiss his boyfriend hello. Renly has been attending for a year and a half, ever since their last making-up after their last breakup; Loras had made it the sole condition of their getting back together, after Renly’s alcoholism had driven such a wedge between them he didn’t feel able to cope any more. It’s been going well – Renly is six months sober as of today, and Loras, unbeknownst to Renly, is taking him out somewhere to celebrate.

‘Hey.’ Renly smiles, and reaches across to squeeze Loras’ hand. Loras grins at him before pulling out of the community centre parking lot, digging his phone out of his pocket to set up the directions. It’s a long drive to where they’re going, about two hours, but it’s a Friday night and neither of them have anywhere else to be, so he decides to let himself enjoy it. Renly settles back in his seat, taking a deep breath and letting it sigh out again, propping his feet up by his wallet on the dashboard.

‘Have you taken your meds today?’ Loras reminds him gently, flicking the indicator to turn right.

‘Yeah,’ Renly nods, eyes closed. ‘You done your shot?’

‘Yep. My arse is throbbing something vicious.’

Renly cracks open an eye to look at him, waggling his eyebrows mischievously. ‘Want me to take a look?’

‘Maybe later,’ Loras says with a laugh, shaking his curls back off his face. They settle into a companionable silence as he drives them out of town, the radio soft and still tuned into the classical station Loras’ grandma – his last pickup duty, from the city train station – prefers. He reminds Renly that he can change it if he wants, but Renly shakes his head.

‘I don’t mind it.’

‘Okay,’ Loras shrugs, and keeps driving. ‘You tired?’

‘A bit. Just drained, I guess. Usually I’d be spending Friday night getting blitzed after work, but I can’t any more.’ There’s only a tiny trace of bitterness in his tone, but it’s still enough to make Loras’ heart squeeze slightly in his chest.

‘You can have a drink, Ren, you just can’t go out and get so drunk–’

‘I _know_ ,’ Renly says, snappish, and Loras swallows. He tries to remind himself that Renly’s not really mad at him, he’s just frustrated and tired and still getting used to sobriety, but it still makes him flinch. His stomach twists, remembering the drunken outbursts leading up to their last breakup when Renly had lived up to the constant comparisons to Robert, and his fingers clench around the steering wheel. Renly lets out a harsh exhale in the seat next to him, closing his eyes again for a moment, before looking up.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says quietly. ‘I know you’re not – I know you’re just trying to help.’

‘I worry about you,’ Loras says, trying not to let his voice wobble. ‘It was scary, those last few months with you. It was like having a whole different person in the house.’

Renly tips his head back, blinks fast, and Loras realises he’s trying to fight back tears. His heart squeezes again and he reaches out to pat Renly’s knee, glancing sideways at him for as long as he can spare.

‘I’m sorry, babe, I didn’t mean to make you cry–’

‘No, you were right.’ Renly’s voice is a little shaky, his hands even more so where they’re resting in his lap, big and broad and still wearing the ring Loras had got him for his thirtieth birthday on the left, a plain silver band around his middle finger. Inside were engraved their names and the date they had met for the first time twenty years ago. (Loras had had to consult Margaery, who had looked through her childhood diary.) ‘I scared myself with how different I was, so I can’t imagine how you were feeling. I really was turning into Robert.’

Loras doesn’t answer, just squeezes his knee again, and checks the map on his phone screen before taking the next turning, the main road they’d been driving along turning into a tiny, winding little back-country track as the scenery changes from little villages on the outskirts of town into farms, rolling hills and the Black Mountains starting to appear in the distance.

Renly sits up. ‘This isn’t the way home.’

‘No,’ Loras agrees, and now he’s smiling, small and secretive.

‘Where are we going?’ Renly asks.

‘Well, I thought I’d take you to my cabin in the woods, and there dismember and bury you in the lake.’

‘You can’t bury someone in a lake, Loras, you sink them.’

‘I love that that’s what you take issue with in that sentence, not the threat of murder and dismemberment.’ Loras rolls his eyes, chuckling. ‘I love you, you idiot.’

‘I love you too,’ Renly tells him, soft and sincere, and Loras smiles.

The rest of the drive passes in more companionable silence between them, the radio crackling and flickering in and out of functioning as the landscape interferes with the signal, and after another hour or so, Loras pulls off the gravelly track road onto a grassy plateau around halfway up the mountain. Renly looks around, confused.

‘Are we there?’

‘We’re as far as we’re going in the car,’ Loras tells him, and turns off the engine to climb out of the car. He heads around to the passenger side to open Renly’s door for him. Once his boyfriend has also clambered out, he locks the car and takes Renly’s hand, leading him along the road a little way until he finds a footpath through the bracken and heather and starts climbing up the side of the mountain.

‘You didn’t tell me I’d have to be hiking after group this week,’ Renly admonishes, and Loras just laughs.

‘It’s barely got any gradient at all, Ren, stop being so dramatic,’ he grins, stopping to let his boyfriend catch up a little. Renly just huffs, but it’s a good-humoured huff, not even slightly short of breath yet, so Loras just holds onto his hand a little tighter and continues to lead the way. They hike uphill for another forty or so minutes before reaching their final destination, another flat spot near the top of the mountain where there’s a rocky outcrop to shade their heads and a spring bubbling up through the scree by their feet. Loras lays out his jacket for Renly to sit down, and lays back on the scrubby grass, watching the sky darken from red to the deep blackish-purple of a new bruise.

‘Well, Loras, this is lovely, sitting here in sheep shit and with mild hypothermia, but I’m still curious about _why_ we’re here.’

Loras swallows, taking a deep breath, and then rolls over onto his side to look at him. Really look at him. Renly’s lost a lot of the alcohol-induced weight, his face no longer puffy and swollen, and his eyes are still bright and blue and clear. There’s the dimple in his cheek that still makes Loras’ knees weak every time it appears; the slight crease in his brow as he frowns at him, waiting for an answer; the crow’s feet around his eyes Loras isn’t supposed to mention because they make him feel old and ugly, but which Loras loves because they show how often Renly’s face has creased up in laughter. Renly has the best laugh in the world, and it’s Loras’ favourite sound. Has been for the past ten years.

‘I love you,’ he says, trying to encompass all those thoughts in words, and Renly’s face softens, a shy smile on his lips.

‘I love you too.’

‘No, I really mean it.’

‘I should hope so.’

‘No. I mean – Christ, I don’t know what I mean. I mean, I _love_ you. I can’t imagine waking up next to anyone else, ever.’

The spectre of the six months when Loras did exactly that, between their breakup and their making-up, hangs between them for a second like mist around the mountaintop, but like mist, it melts away moments later as Renly leans in to kiss him softly.

‘Me neither.’

‘Do you know how proud I am of you?’ Loras asks, his voice choked. ‘You’re doing so well. You’ve been sober _six months_ , Ren, that’s massive. Before we broke up, I was terrified I’d never see you sober again. You always either had a drink in your hand or had it on your breath already. There were times when I’d find you passed out on the living room floor like you’d barely even made it in from work. Or when you’d hide vodka in water bottles like you didn’t think I could smell it whenever you unscrewed the top. I spent so long being afraid you were gonna kill yourself slowly like Robert, drink yourself to death, and I couldn’t do anything to stop you.’

Renly’s head hangs in shame, and Loras runs his fingers through the short black hair, trying to tilt Renly’s chin back up to look at him. There’s tears in his boyfriend’s eyes and on his cheeks, and Loras leans closer to kiss them away, soft brushes of his lips that come away damp and tasting of salt.

‘I wanted to celebrate with you. And you know me, I love celebrating by doing stuff you hate – like – like hiking halfway up a mountain, and lying in cold grass to talk your ear off–’

Renly coughs out a wet laugh, and Loras smiles, rubbing his thumb over Renly’s cheekbone.

‘But I also brought you up here to do something important.’

‘What’s that?’ Renly asks.

‘Close your eyes.’

‘You’re not going to give me a handful of sheep shit and tell me they’re berries again, are you? I nearly ate one last time–’

Loras fights back more laughter. ‘No, I promise it’s not that.’ His palms are sweaty as he takes the envelope out of his pocket, rubs his thumb over the shape inside, feels his stomach swoop with nerves. He’s still not entirely sure how Renly’s going to respond, but he’s never been anything if not good at acting confident even when he doesn’t feel it, so he’s going ahead anyway.

‘Paper?’ Renly asks, and Loras snorts.

‘You can open your eyes now.’

Renly’s eyes flicker open, reflecting the stars for a brief second before he looks down at the envelope in his hands, zeroing in on the small, round shape tenting the paper. His breath audibly catches in his throat, and he holds the envelope still in one shaking hand to tear it open with the other.

Once it’s open, he tips it upside down. Another ring falls out, a delicate – but still masculine – wishbone shape, studded with diamonds. Renly had seen it in a pawnbroker’s years ago and fallen in love with it, devastated when two weeks later it had disappeared from the window. It had been sitting in the bottom drawer of Loras’ nightstand for months until they broke up, at which point it had been given to Margaery with the express instructions to either pawn it again or get rid of it some other way. Thankfully, she hadn’t, so when Loras asked if she knew what had happened to it earlier that evening, she had been able to produce it with no problems.

‘When did you get that?’ Renly asks, his voice thick, staring up at Loras with wide eyes.

‘It was on hold for me the second you said how much you loved it,’ Loras tells him softly, and Renly makes another wet, choked noise.

‘But that was – _before._  Before we–’

‘I know.’ Loras takes a deep breath. ‘Then it went to Margaery, and she kept it safe for me. Just in case.’

Renly looks like he’s going to cry again, his lip wobbling and eyes filling up. Loras’ heart is thudding behind his ribs, his stomach flip-flopping anxiously, and he daren’t look at Renly as he opens his mouth to speak again.

‘Renly,’ he begins, shaky but firm, ‘your parents aren’t around for me to do the proper thing and ask them first – and don’t give me that look, I know how much you love the old traditions like asking for a parent’s blessing before you do anything – and that’s one regret I have. But I do not, nor will I ever, regret asking you the question I’m about to ask.’

Renly’s breathing is fast and tremulous, tears beginning to spill over, and his hands flex reflexively around the ring like he’s afraid Loras is going to take it back.

‘Ren… will you marry me?’

Renly chokes out a ‘yes’, nodding fiercely, and throws his arms around Loras’ neck, clinging so tight he’s half-strangling him. Loras laughs, out of sheer relief, and once Renly’s ready to let go, he takes the ring and gently slides it onto Renly’s left hand, keeping him close with an arm around his waist and pressing their lips together. He keeps kissing him until Renly’s tears subside and he pulls back to look at him, stars bright in his eyes as he gazes at Loras.

‘I love you.’

‘You too, babe.’

Renly’s smile is blinding and, before long, mischievous.

‘Loras?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Can I have a look at your arse now?’

Loras laughs, swatting at him, but rolls over obediently. He supposes it is ‘later’, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> The reference to 'past'/recovery from alcoholism for Renly is from a discussion I had with [rensbaratheon](http://rensbaratheon.tumblr.com), which I found really interesting and which struck a chord with me at the time. After all, I firmly believe that addictive personalities probably run in the Baratheon family - especially with Robert, as we see in the series - and I don't think it's much of a push to imagine the same happening to Renly. If you disagree, by all means, start that discussion. I am always excited to find more people to talk to about the hc's I have for my baby.
> 
> For anyone curious, the meds Renly is on are anticonvulsants for epilepsy. Loras' referenced shot is his testosterone for hormone replacement therapy.
> 
> And, as always, comments and criticism are welcomed! I love getting feedback :D


End file.
